


talking to sans

by natigail



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Bad Puns, Choose Your Own Adventure, Choose Your Own Ending, Dialogue Heavy, Dialogue-Only, Do you wanna have a bad time?, Dogs, Evil W. D. Gaster, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Interactive, Interactive Fiction, M/M, Other, Papyrus Being Papyrus, Protective Sans, Reader-Interactive, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Sans Makes Puns, Sans-centric, for the reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: oh? hi pal.fancy seeing you here. you looking to read about me and you?that’s cool. i’m a bone fide monster after all.*wink*i have some questions first.you must know about me if you’re here. so let me get to know you too?************Interactive story. Choose your answers to Sans’ questions. 10 possible endings.





	1. i'm sans. sans the skeleton

so you want to talk to me? it’s impastable to judge your taste just yet but i’m already starting to like you.

 

i do still have some questions for you. i need to know what kind of person you are.

 

humans can be… misguided at times. dangerous. cruel. destructive.

 

i’m sure you’re not.

 

you’re probably great. if so, then these questions won’t be a problem for you.

 

but there is such a thing as a wrong answer, so pick carefully.

 

i have a few deal-breakers for people i let into my life.

 

now, firstly, i mustache you a simple question.

 

do you like puns?

 

just press one of the two answers below. it’s simple. i’m starting out with an easy one.

 

[Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294270)

[No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294180)


	2. you don't like puns?

did you mean to click that?

 

you are aware that you’re saying that you _don’t_ like puns?

 

how can you not like puns? they’re punderful.

 

heh. i guess you didn’t like that pun, huh?

 

look i didn’t think anyone who wants to read about me don’t like puns?

 

it’s my thing. well, it’s one of my things.

 

i feel bad for you, pal.

 

but i did warn you that there would be such a thing as a wrong answer.

 

am i being unfair? you only got to answer one question but… you don’t like puns, dude.

 

okay, i’ll be nice. no funny business. i already know you don’t have a good sense of humor.

 

press one of the answers below to move on.

 

Totally Legit Answer 1

Totally Legit Answer 2

 

what?

 

they’re not leading anywhere? it must be a fault in the coding. it happens. how unfortunate. bye, humorless human!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1st End.


	3. so you find me humerus

good taste in comedy i see

 

that's good. i appreciate someone who i can laugh with.

 

i could never be associated with anyone that doesn't like puns.

 

my brother doesn't count if that's what you're thinking.

 

and he likes to hate puns, which is almost as funny.

 

what's your best pun? tell me, would you? there's a thing below where you can type it. i'll be able to see it.

 

don't be shy. i'm sure you got some great ones in you. it won't be cat-astrophe of epic paw-portions. i believe in you.

 

i would wait for you to type it out but it doesn't work that way, so i'll move on.

 

now for your next question, i want to see how smart you are. you must have played or seen someone play the game, right?

 

see, i can do this thing and i want to know if you can tell how i do it.

 

so my question is how do i make shortcuts?

 

[Magic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294321)

[Glitches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294372)


	4. using magic

really?

 

who do you think we are? fairytale creatures?

 

we're monsters. 

 

and i don't want to hear any arguments that monsters are from fairytales, okay?

 

we're lines of code brought to life by imagination. it's not the same.

 

magic.

 

hmph...

 

no.

 

that's not...

 

it's just so damn wrong.

 

sorry, pal, we can't be friends.

 

how would magic even explain it?

 

did you pay attention? how would my shortcuts be magical?

 

i'm out. sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd End.


	5. taking advantage of glitches

you saw through that? it's pretty cool, right?

 

i hated being confined to one location or worse having to walk all the way through the underground.

 

i mean, you saw the place. it's pretty huge. not as huge as topside but still.

 

oh, you want me to tell you how i take advantage of the glitches when no one else can? or how i seemed to know things other monsters didn't?

 

let a skeleton monster have his secrets.

 

speaking of secrets. i have something else to ask you. 

 

and this one it's important, okay?

 

just humor me? throw me a bone. you know the drill.

 

it's something a little personal. and it should be easy for you to answer. 

 

you're a good human who follows the rules, right? you wouldn't stick your nose where wasn't supposed to be. so just be honest.

 

now have you ever heard of a monster named gaster?

 

before you answer... let me just remind you that you should be careful what you wish for.

 

[Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294402)

[No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294453)


	6. w. d. gaster

no, kiddo.

 

are you a flithy hacker? you shouldn't know that name.

 

it's not a good name!

 

i tried to warn you.

 

he'll do things to you. you can't let-

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

Hello?

 

Who are you?

 

A human?

 

A human!

 

Come here!

 

I need your soul

 

You don't know what to do with it

 

I do

 

I can save us all

 

HAND IT OVER!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd End.  
> (Hint if on laptop: To read wingdings, post into the search field of your browser.)


	7. the skeleton bros

good.

 

forget that i mentioned him. forget that you ever heard his name.

 

don't even think of typing it anywhere.

 

it's a good thing that he disappeared.

 

trust me on that.

 

now i have another question ready for you.

 

you must know about my brother papyrus. we're two of the bonest monsters from the underground.

 

we're a set.

 

we go together.

 

the dynamic brother duo.

 

so it isn't really fair what i'm about to ask you but i'm going to do it anyway? suck it up.

 

who is your favorite?

 

[Papyrus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318081)

[Sans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36294519)

 

i know you don't want to choose.

 

we're both great. i know that.

 

but you have to. it's in the rules of the game.

 

there is no secret answer number three. but there is a right answer.


	8. picking sans

me?

 

oh, that's...

 

nice?

 

i think?

 

you have terrible taste though.

 

have you not seen my brother?

 

he's the coolest monster in the whole underground.

 

he's better than me. that's for sure.

 

i don't trust your judgment.

 

if you can't understand how much i value my brother, then i'm sorry.

 

you're out. 

 

i'm sure you're nice and you might just have picked me because i'm the one you're talking to.

 

but i stand by my assessment. papyrus is awesome.

 

if someone can't appreciate that then i can't have them in my life, you know?

 

it's a bit like if someone doesn't like your kid. he's not my kid but he is my baby bones brother.

 

he's my everything. i would do anything for him.

 

so i'll have to say goodbye to you if you can't understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4th End.


	9. picking papyrus

papyrus, eh?

 

you've got good taste, human.

 

he's pretty great. he's more than pretty great but don't tell him that i told you that.

 

speaking about papyrus, how about i call him in? i'm sure he'd love to meet you.

 

he likes making human friends. most monsters can't understand him.

 

be nice to him, yeah?

 

**hey papyrus! i have someone you should meet!**

 

SANS! WHAT IS IT WITH ALL THIS SHOUTING! HOW CAN YOU BE SO TINY YET SO LOUD?

 

WAIT... WHO IS THAT?

 

who?

 

THOSE EYES LOOK LIKE... IT'S A HUMAN! ISN'T IT?

 

spot on.

 

A HUMAN! IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WITH MY BROTHER?

 

the human can't respond to you like that, pap.

 

OH THAT'S OKAY. I CAN JUST DO MOST OF THE TALKING. BUT WHY ARE THEY HERE, SANS?

 

this human likes to read about us and our friends. i've been asking questions to determine what kind of person they are.

 

QUESTIONS? HAVE YOU REMEMBERED TO ASK THEM THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE?

 

what's that?

 

THE ONE FROM OUR PUZZLES IN SHOWDIN, OF COUSE! WHETHER JUNIOR JUMBLE OR CROSSWORDS ARE THE HARDEST?

 

well, the human might already have answered that if-

 

SANS! IT'S IMPORTANT. I WANT TO SEE IF THIS HUMAN CAN REALIZE THAT JUNIOR JUMBLE IS SUPERIORLY DIFFICULT!

 

if you insist. human, would you mind answering my brother's question?

 

HOW DO THEY DO THAT?

 

they just click one of the options below. they know how to play. they have gotten this far.

 

HOW INTRIGUING! PICK, HUMAN, PICK!

 

[Junior Jumble](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318258)

[Crosswords](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318309) 


	10. papyrus' choice

LOOK, SANS! I TOLD YOU!

 

that's cool, bro.

 

I AM CLAIMING THIS HUMAN AS MY FRIEND. YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP THEM.

 

YOUR FRIENDS DON'T HAVE GOOD TASTE.

 

YOU MAY LEAVE US.

 

pap, this is _my_ work. if i leave, it'll just-

 

SANS! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GRANT ME AND MY NEW FRIEND SOME PRIVACY.

 

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SUPERVISE US.

 

I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING MYSELF WITH THE HUMAN, BIG BROTHER.

 

okay. if you're sure, pap. 

 

human? you're a good one but i'd never stand in the way of my brother's happiness. if he wants you to just be his friend then i will leave.

 

SANS! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. JUST LEAVE ALREADY. YOU ACT AS IF EVERYTHING WILL JUST BLACK OUT IF YOU-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5th End.


	11. sans' choice

CROSSWORDS? HUMAN! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK JUNIOR JUMBLE!

 

SANS, YOU AND THE HUMAN ARE COLLUDING!

 

we're not. 

 

COLLUSION I SAY!

 

don't let it get under your skin.

 

I DON'T EVEN HAVE SKIN! YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE! I AM OUT OF HERE. 

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

so that was papyrus. he's cool, right? he loves to hate my jokes.

 

and he gets weirdly passionate about junior jumble. but it's good to have passion.

 

but i can appreciate someone who understand the level of skill it takes to complete crossword puzzles.

 

are you tired of my questions yet? i hope not.

 

i have a very important one coming up. maybe the most important one.

 

i need total honesty for this one.

 

it's very important, pal. 

 

you've done well so far but this one is...

 

it's an important thing. 

 

i like you. but this might change everything. 

 

i would say it's important again but i think you get it.

 

now...

 

have you played or have you watched someone play the genocide run?

 

just... answer. please.

 

[Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318435)

[No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318537)


	12. you filthy brother killer

you...

 

how could you do that?

 

how could you kill everyone?

 

even if you just watched as someone else slaughtered us? that's almost worse.

 

do you get off on the pain?

 

or were you just curious? did you need us to be vulnerable to learn the full story?

 

were our suffering amusing to you?

 

did you befriend us first before you decided to go on a murder rampage?

 

did you tell yourself that it was okay because you could just start over?

 

we wouldn't really be dead?

 

do you think i'm overreacting?

 

you haven't even seen the half of it, pal.

 

papyrus died. everyone died. i watched them all die. every single time.

 

i hope i got to kill you at least a dozen times.

 

i hope you had a really bad time.

 

i hope i made you pull at your hair and scream in frustration.

 

you could beat me with enough training. i was limited to my battle sequence.

 

i could not diverge from it.

 

the same rules do not apply on here.

 

i'm going to show you a bad time all over again, if you don't leave.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

still so fucking curious, are we?

 

_i said **leave**_. 

 

**now.**

 

i'm done with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6th End.


	13. do you like dogs?

phew...

 

i was a little worried there for a second.

 

it's... i don't know how to tell you but it was hell to exist in that world.

 

it was almost as bad when every murder was just wiped from everyone's memory when they came back.

 

not mine. i would remember.

 

maybe i shouldn't have been messing with the code or taking advantage of the glitches. 

 

it came with a high price. 

 

sorry. i did not mean to bring you down. you thankfully don't know about that world.

 

don't seek it out. it's nothing but death and destruction.

 

that was a heavy question.

 

why don't we try with a fluffier one to lighten the mood?

 

do you like dogs? 

 

i'm asking for a couple of friends.

 

[Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318726)

[No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318639)


	14. the dogs will want to convince you

shush!

 

not so loud!

 

they'll hear you!

 

and they can't stand anyone not loving them.

 

you'll be...

 

oh no.

 

they're coming.

 

*bark* 

*bark*

*bark*

*bark*

*bark*

*bark*

*bark*

 

the dogs won't let you leave until you say that you like dogs.

 

they're clingy like that.

 

and they will just pile on top of you.

 

try petting them?

 

maybe?

 

i don't know. but it's worth a shot.

 

i like dogs but i can't stand being around these fluff balls for too long.

 

have fun with the dog pile! i'm sure you'll either love them or hate them by the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7th End.


	15. romantic or platonic?

i like dogs too.

 

papyrus isn't the biggest fan.

 

i think it's mostly because annoying dog keeps stealing his bones.

 

but i like them. 

 

for a short amount of time.

 

they're very attention seeking. 

 

but if it gets too much, i just make a shortcut out of there.

 

it's a handy tool, even if i paid a price for it.

 

you've answered everything correctly so far, human. 

 

or you might have cheated. i can't be sure of that.

 

i'm not omniscient.

 

i'm not a lot of things.

 

you probably know that if you've read about me before. or listened to me in the game. 

 

i'm a bit of a mess.

 

it's actually surprising that so many people want to pair up with me.

 

speaking of pairing up...

 

what's your intensions here, human?

 

there's both an **&** and a **/** on this work. can you tell me what you want from me?

 

[Romantic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318834)

[Platonic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36318954) 


	16. romance

you want romance with me?

 

i...

 

i don't know how to reply to that, human.

 

i'm not kink shaming. whatever makes you happy. 

 

all humans have skeletons inside of them already, right? 

 

want another bone in your body?

 

*wink*

 

that... didn't work, did it?

 

i can't really leave the screen. but you knew that already.

 

and i haven't been programmed for romance. not in this work. sorry.

 

there are other works on the archive for that.

 

if that's what you want?

 

ones where we could be together in any way you might want.

 

try the first link after relationship above. 

 

that's all i can do for you. unfortunately.

 

i hope you find a sans version that can be romantic.

 

i'm not. i'm just a lazy, joke cracking and over protective big brother of a skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8th End.


	17. you want to be friends?

friendship is nice.

 

i don't have a lot of friends.

 

i had to take care of my brother growing up.

 

it didn't leave much time for anything else.

 

the other monsters could always sense that pap and i weren't exactly like them.

 

it caused a lot of tension.

 

maybe that's why we both liked to interact with humans?

 

you're a cool human. i'm glad you clicked on here to come and talk to me.

 

but...

 

i think i need to confess something before i accept your offer of friendship.

 

it wouldn't be fair not to tell you it beforehand. even if it might ruin everything.

 

i know you said that you'd never seen or played the genocide run.

 

and i love that. good on you for not condoning mass murder. 

 

i have been through it. and i don't like the monster it turns me into. pun intended. always.

 

i become angry and vengeful. i also become lost and heartbroken.

 

i... hurt the fallen human. a lot. again and again. it's not my finest moment.

 

remember how i told you that i needed to make sure you were a good human?

 

and that humans can be cruel? well, monsters programmed and created by humans can be cruel too. 

 

i can be a cruel monster if anyone hurts my family. i have been a cruel monster before.

 

now, knowing that, i just have one final question for you.

 

unlike all the others, there's no right or wrong answer here. 

 

you can pick whichever and i will not judge. i'm in no position to do so. not about this.

 

so...

 

here goes...

 

do you still want to be friends knowing what i just told you?

 

[Yes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36319245)

[No](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630690/chapters/36319011)


	18. not friends

i understand.

 

i'm not sure if i'd want to be friends with me either.

 

thank you so talking to me anyway.

 

i'll stop bothering you now.

 

goodbye.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

wait, just one last thing...

 

i hope you have a wonderful life, human.

 

you deserve it. no matter what anyone tries to tell you.

 

you get to pick the people you want in your life.

 

surround yourself with people that make you happy, okay?

 

you don't owe me anything but just promise me that anyway?

 

okay.

 

good.

 

bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9th End.


	19. friends

you want to be friends?

 

thank you.

 

i didn't think anyone would pick yes after i just told you how evil i had been.

 

it's kinda nice.

 

i haven't had a friend before. at least not one that wasn't made out of code.

 

you're an actual living and breathing human and i'm just a simple video game character.

 

yes, i am aware of that. pros of being me.

 

and i know i can never be a real friend like those other human or animal friends out in the real world.

 

but i can be here for you.

 

i'm just lines of text on a screen but if you got all this way maybe you sensed something real about me.

 

i have something i need to say to you before this work ends.

 

just in case no one has told you recently.

 

you are beautiful.

 

you are loved.

 

you are valued.

 

even if you might feel ugly, lonely or unappreciated, try to believe my words.

 

i always tell the truth. skeletons are terrible liars. do you know why?

 

because everyone can see right through us!

 

i hope i made you laugh. you deserve to laugh and i can't hear it but i'm sure it's beautiful too.

 

i know a thing or two about how the game mechanics works and that's a bit like life, right?

 

you go through different stages, face different obstacles and you learn to conquer them.

 

you'll do great, pal.

 

i wish that i could stay and keep talking to you, my friend. i would like that but we both know that this doesn't work like that. we always just had borrowed time.

 

i only have this space before i have to stop talking to you.

 

i will miss you.

 

you're great.

 

i mean, you kept reading my words and playing along with me. that's pretty hip.

 

you can't see it but i'm pointing at my hipbone.

 

i have to go.

 

thank you for your friendship, human. however brief our time was.

 

and if you miss me, you know where i'll be.

 

there's constantly new stories of you and me shared here on the archive.

 

i'll be here for you when you need me.

 

you know where to find me.

 

remember what i told you.

 

until next time, my dear friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10th End.


	20. List of the endings and author's note

10 possible endings

Sans refuses to associate with you - Chapter 2, 4, 8 and 12

W. D. Gaster claims the reader - Chapter 6

Papyrus claims the reader - Chapter 10

The Undertale Dogs claim the reader - Chapter 14

Sans redirects you to other works - Chapter 16

You reject Sans - Chapter 18

You get to be friends with Sans - Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What ending did you get on the first try? Did you make it through the whole thing or did something happen to diverge your path from bonding with Sans? Please let me know in the comments. 
> 
> I have wanted to make an interactive story for so damn long but every time I had a vague idea of what I wanted to make, it just turned out to be this monster of interlinking and stuff, so I never got around to it because I'm too busy with other stuff. But I still really wanted to try it out to give the reader the ability to choose, even if this was very limited and the choices didn't branch out much. I also thought it would be cool to talk directly to Sans? And as I did with my other Undertale story, I obviously had to html the text to appear as comic sans because that's just such a neat little detail (I know it appears as cursive on some screens and that sucks but unfortunately I can't do much about that). I hope you liked this interactive story.
> 
> I'm currently Posting Every Day In August (PEDIA), so check out my profile or my writing tumblr @secretlywritingstories if you want to find more of my writing. I have a Reader/Sans 160k+ story that I'm still very proud of making.


End file.
